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User blog:AstroMeow/*looks around at the mess she's made and punches herself in the face*
Okay... I was wrong. I was wrong about everything. I've treated people horribly. I've done horrible things to people who don't deserve it, and that's probably why I blew up on Sunday. I saw someone else being called out for questionable things that they'd done when all I was really doing was trying to hide from myself that I've done worse things. And I know I've done worse things. And I'm done hiding it. So here it is. Here it all is. 1. I completely obliterated Mr. Left, and a lot of his problems with depression now are because of me. ''I hurt him with the way that I told him that I would date him, even though I really didn't want to... I didn't have the heart to say no, and once I finally said no two months laters, I destroyed him. And I hate myself for that. '''2.' I used Kayleigh for my own personal gain. Yeah. I pulled a Jacob. I asked her out because someone else who shall not be named here hurt me and I wanted to get back at them. While it turned into true love, the pretense was false. And on top of that, I became superficial and manipulative, and I hurt her. Badly. She stood by me and supported me no matter what, and then I did the unforgivable. Most of the tears that came when she left me were because I knew that I had just completely ruined all of the trust she had in me. 3. I ratted everyone in the Skype group out to Izzy when people were gossiping about her. I got Joey on Izzy's shit list. She doesn't trust him; he doesn't trust her. And now Joey doesn't trust me anymore, either. And that is 100% my fault. And that is wrong. I wish that there was something I could do to amend that one, but we all know that it's unlikely for me to be able to. 4. 'I blatantly ignored Okami's warnings to back down'. I was told repeatedly to just drop the subject of the gossip about Izzy, and that right there was perhaps the most hypocritical thing I've done in a long time. I've told people before to respect Okami and do what she says, and I carried on my side of the argument as though it was going to go somewhere. 5. 'I kicked Amber while she was down'. All I did was make things worse for her. And she already didn't think of me as that great of a person after what I did to Mr. Left. And I can understand why. And... Amber, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I know that now, this all sounds like a bunch of self-pity, but this is all true. These are all things I did, and I probably did many more that will come to mind slowly but surely, and those will warrant apologies. I just want everyone I hurt to know that I am sincerely, deepy sorry for what I did. Having said that, until I am able to truly cure the things that made me the way that I am now, I need to go. I will more than likely not be on the chat until I can trust myself to not do something like this again. I've already ruined so many of my relationships. I don't want to ruin more. See you guys then. If you desperately need to talk to me, you can message on my Skype. Almost all of you have it, and if you don't, ask me about it on my Message Wall. I'll still be checking that every day. ♥ ~ Michaela, the Regretful Queen Category:Blog posts